90 Days of Kindness…

Just a quick update...

As I mentioned before my step-son is visiting other family right now, and my focus of kindness has really been on him. Even though he's gone right now, I've made a commitment to show kindness even while he isn't here physically.

I've been texting him, letting him now how much we all miss him while he's gone. He's also continued to text me and send me pictures of things he's doing there as well as ask me questions. I truly feel like our relationship is moving in a positive direction. It completely has to do with this Kindness Challenge. I feel so blessed that this little push in the right direction has moved us MOUNTAINS!

I made sure I went out of my way yesterday to stop by the "lizard" store (which is what I call it because the real name escapes me!) and pick up food for both his lizard and snake. This is typically not my job or responsibility and I am usually very hard-nosed about him making sure they are taken care of all of the time. Even when he is gone on vacation it is usually his responsibility to get someone else to feed them while he's away. Knowing that he forgot to ask anyone, I went ahead and bought food and fed them myself...I am not even going to mention it to him. I just wanted to do something nice and something I ordinarily wouldn't...He arrives home on Thursday evening. I've got some special things planned out for my next few weeks of kindness!

Days Five through Sixteen

I'm grouping quite a few days together because my sweet step son has gone away for a week and a half to visit his natural mom and other siblings. I thought I'd just cruise through this time since he's not here but you know what? He has been texting me during this time away and it has been just another way that I can show kindness by giving him words of encouragement while he is gone, by letting him know that I love him and that we miss him while he is gone. I've been thinking about surprising him with a special gift too. Something extra special that he can open when he comes back home. Something that he would never think I'd buy for him... I'm truly finding that our relationship has grown a little stronger each day of this challenge. Instead of harboring bitterness or anger towards each other, we are growing closer.

Days Three and Four

Something wonderful is brewing in the air. This kindness thing is kinda catchy! I decided to work on being slow to anger these last couple of days. That is probably the biggest thorn in my side (along with lack of patience). I tried to take my time in deciding how to answer my stepson this weekend. I took deep breaths, counted to three (sometimes four, five, six!) and then answered his questions. Trying all in all to remember the journey I am on. It worked. I was able to handle my frustration differently. I found that when I was upset with something going on between the two of us, I just had to wait, be silent for a minute or two and it made all the difference in the world! My smile has returned. His smile is returning too. We are breaking ground here people! He even came up to me out of nowhere and GAVE ME A HUG. (Is he secretly taking the challenge too?)

I want to leave a legacy behind for my children that speaks to who I am on the inside. I am NOT an angry, impatient, bitter person. But that isn't the way I've been behaving recently. I am loving, kind, sensitive and I love my children SO much. I want each of them to know that. I especially want my step-son to know these qualities...because he doesn't see those qualities in his natural mom. He needs to see them from me.

Kindness is catchy. I can feel it going around my house already. I can't believe how simple it is but how difficult of a time I've had being kind to him lately...its sad. But God has been weighing this heavy on my heart - and this kindness challenge was an open door.

Day Two

My first day of my 90 day kindness challenge did not go as planned. I started out with great intentions and high hopes. Unfortunately the time spent with my stepson was so little, we really didn't get an opportunity to interact the way I'd planned. The few times we did talk, I'm afraid I didn't do as much listening as I did talking. Although I felt a little defeated at first I remembered that tomorrow is another day, Day Two of the challenge. I'm going to "double up" on  my kindesses and not only Listen, but also say one encouraging thing specifically to him - about him. I have one great thing to report about my interaction with him today and that is I was so AWARE of my attitude towards him. Every time we were in a room together I remembered the challenge. It is a good thing to have the accountability there. I am going to try planning out my kindness - because sometimes if you just wait for the moment to be right, it doesn't happen like that. I might need to MAKE it happen.

Day One

I feel the need to preface day one by giving you some background.

I am going to devote these next 90 days of kindness to my stepson.

You might be thinking that I am his mom,  I should ALREADY be showing kindness to him.

Things just never started out on the right foot with him and me. We've always had a distance between us and a wall is up.

It makes me sad, and I know that I'm more to blame for this than he is. That is really the most disappointing part of it all.

He's a good kid.  I know God has put our family together for a reason and I am his primary mom. He lives with us full time.

He should get better from me. He deserves more.

So for Day One I am starting out with a basic kindness:

When he talks to me, I'm going to pay him the basic kindness of  listening. I will not cut him short, or only pay half of my attention.

He'll get it all. It doesn't matter if I'm tired, or if I am not all that interested in what the conversation is about.

This is hard for me friends. We've lived for 4 years in this house with this lack of kindness between us.  I think this is the turning point.

Wish me luck.

Just a reminder that you can read about everyone elses challenge days here.

XOXO

Lyssie